i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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