Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
