my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
