This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
PANTIES FOUND
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
