You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
