Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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