I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Randomize