addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
