Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
