On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
