so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
