Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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