life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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