Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
