Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize