she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
