Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
