I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
