Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
