OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize