I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
