im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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