Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
