Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
