she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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