OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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