hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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