I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's never too late to be topless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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