I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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