Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
