i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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