It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
