Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
