I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
