There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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