Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
