That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
