I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
