cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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