Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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