And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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