I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We left the knife in your bed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
