just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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