My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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