So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
