Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
