Three words: puerto rican gang bang
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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