Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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