i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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