yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
