i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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