I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
