either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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