you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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