Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
