Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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