I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
