i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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