very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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