He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
