My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
