We won't sleep together?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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