So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we're so committed to being not committed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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