I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
