Little spoons don't ask big questions
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
